This week was not a good week for me. Like, at all. I think when you go through miscarriages, some days are okay and some days suck. Some days you're optimistic and some days you feel like you're right back to that dreadful day.
I don't expect anyone who hasn't went through this to understand how it feels. And for what it's worth, I pray that no one ever has to experience what we've been through.
I had a friend tell me (after I heard it from several people-I kept asking her and she kept denying) that she was pregnant. I'm so excited for her and her husband! She just kept talking about how miserably sick she is. I asked her to please not complain about being pregnant to me because I can't handle it. It upsets me because I would give anything to be pregnant-I don't care if I puke every single day. I wasn't mad at that point because I thought, "You know, she's probably just saying that to make me feel better. She just wants me to know it's not that fun so I'm not sad." I explained to her how I felt.
It happened again. I explained again.
It happened yet again and I finally put my foot down and just flat out said,"Look, you don't know what we've went through in the last 4 months and I hope you never do, but I've asked you three times now to please please don't complain about being pregnant to me. I'm not upset with you because you're pregnant. I'm so happy you're pregnant! I don't care if you call me after every doctor's appointment but I don't want to hear you bitch about being pregnant. I don't expect you to understand what I've been through but as my friend, I do expect you to respect what I'm asking of you."
That didn't settle too well and I feel horrible for that. But I also can't keep talking to her if she's going to repeatedly make sure I know how pregnant she is and that she doesn't like it. It's not fair to me...and while that may sound selfish, I need to take care of myself, too.
After bawling my eyes out the last two nights, Jon just kept telling me that it would be okay. He said I had every right to be upset with my friend because I made my feelings clear. I made it clear that I was very happy for her and I had done all I could do.
Then he looked at me and said,"Our baby is so amazing and perfect, he or she is just taking their time to find us. But don't worry, we will get our baby and then we'll get another one...and maybe even another one!"
Reason number 48208572670275952 why he is the most amazing man in the entire world.